eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
