She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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