My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
