He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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