He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
