I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
