I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
