chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
