im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
