his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
