Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
