It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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