I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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