Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
