you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
