Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
