I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
