thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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