Cold hands, warm shart.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
