And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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