took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think your dad took our porno
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
