sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
