The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize