i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
