We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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