Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize