Your dad touched me again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
