dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
