i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
