you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
