maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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