Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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