final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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