how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
