It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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