what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
