Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..