i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.