if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.