I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old