I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.