my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped