Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist