After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.