what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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