I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
