11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
