I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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