Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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