Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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