I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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