So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
