if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
