look no pants
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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