She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
