i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
