I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
