Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
