i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
