I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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