The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
