I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
