you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
