Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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