i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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