Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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